Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize