Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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