Girls should come with a carfax report
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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