Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize