i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
