Non-Jews are for practice
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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