So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
