You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
