So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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