I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
