we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
