it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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