I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
did you just send me my own nude
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
