You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dignity is for republicans.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
third nipple confirmed
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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