She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Four minutes until I can fart!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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