I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
