Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
