She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
