im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
