Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
