Will you blow on my dice?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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