found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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