fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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