are you still at the devil's house?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
