I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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