Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
