It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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