We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
