I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I met the friendliest cop last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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