I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize