just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
