New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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