You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
