it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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