you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
