I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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