my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
