I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
