If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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