life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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