He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
