Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
