It's Friday. Sex?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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