Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
