I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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