All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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