you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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