i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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