i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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