Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
