he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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