that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
