Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
