So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
