Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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