It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
