Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
