I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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