And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
