can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
