I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
