So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
