Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
