Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize