Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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