I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
