Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
