We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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