Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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