Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
