just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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